Spring Cleaning into my 21st

By: Oliver Lois Economidis

We all have different aspects of our life that we look to improve–which sometimes includes flinging parts of our subconscious into the void. The dark things that we hide sit in our closets amongst our failed New Year’s resolutions (your yoga mat is great–you should use it more). As time does, it moves forward—suddenly it’s March. Ostara (the Pagan celebration of the Spring Equinox) is approaching quickly, as is my 21st birthday. What am I leaving with the cold and the remnants of my 20-year-old self? 

The beginning of any cleanse must start somewhere, and you can start anywhere you’d like. I tend to begin where the most emotional clutter lies. A pile of spiraled thoughts describing my inadequacies, puddles of guiltiness over my chronic illnesses, and half-completed novels of my fears cling to my desk, spattered with coffee stains—all to be slid into the trash. My list of TBAs become dates on a calendar. I dust off my altar, reclaiming my power within my control. A to-do list sits on my desktop outlining each responsibility. This spring, stress and forgetfulness don’t have a home here.

It’s exhausting to have to pick up all the pieces—you swore this time would be different. Me, too. The guilt that paralyzes me is leaving. What does that guilt give us besides a dent in our bank account from chai lattes (at least for me, anyway)? This guilt is only productive if we use it to change. Everyone, we need to plaster a forgiveness sticker on our vision boards. We won’t immediately fix our negative habits, but by utilizing the slips we’ll inevitably have, we’ll become stronger versions of ourselves. I’m tired of the imposter syndrome and negativity that sits beside me at every event. This spring, we all (yes, you too), are leaving this behind. When we’re older, surrounded by all the things we wanted and didn’t predict, none of these worries will matter.

Outside of things that many can relate to, I’m attempting to rid myself of my inner ableism. Struggling with migraines and mobility issues, my empathy dips when it’s focused on me. I understand that attending class while feeling dizzy, disorientated, nauseous, and confused isn’t productive in that environment or for myself. However, I feel like I‘m failing. What if I’m ruining an opportunity? I just need to suck it up as others have it worse. I’m probably faking it, I don’t need to use the elevator. What if I’m taking away a spot for someone who needs it more? These thoughts are unnecessary and harmful. What good do they give me? None. As the light returns to Earth, I’m letting the light come back to me. I derive no benefit from these habits, and they serve no greater purpose. This inner critic has no place for my future. 

We all are getting rid of things that have proved themselves useless. We’re all learning—that’s the point of your 20s. Things will get easier. However, life is a journey. Take life moment by moment. You can cleanse unnecessary habits anytime. We’re all in this together.