Hispanic Heritage Month: Being a No Sabo
By: Elena Coverdale
When I think of Hispanic Heritage Month, the first thing that comes to mind is not Hispanic culture itself. What comes to mind is my level of detachment from it. My family is Spanish-speaking; they can carry on entire conversations, laugh heartily with each other, and communicate freely amongst themselves in a language other than English with relative ease. I am not so privileged. Occasionally, I find myself struggling to grasp certain things my family members say in Spanish, and I have even, on multiple occasions, felt alienated by the Hispanophone culture I was born into.
Being a "no sabo" can be embarrassing at times; the phrase, in fact, is often used as a sort of mockery in the culture, but I feel more embarrassed as the butt of that mockery. Sometimes I feel pressured to speak Spanish, for I am Hispanic, and I am surrounded largely by Hispanophone family members. Having no skill in the language makes me feel, in a way, less connected to a part of me. Sometimes I feel frustrated at my inability to communicate as freely with my family as they do with me. When I don't understand something, I feel like a part of me is being withheld. It's annoying to feel like the language surrounds you, but you don't quite have a grasp on it as everyone else does. One of the worst feelings, however, is the feeling of being isolated when listening to my family talk in Spanish. I can be in a room, surrounded by them, but it's like the world is spinning in slow motion when they begin to talk. They all laugh at a joke that I didn't get, or one of them tells a story in a language I only partially understand, and I find myself too embarrassed to ask for an explanation. I feel alienated by them, if only for a moment, because I don't understand what they are saying. Despite my desire to connect with them, it seems like there is a wall between us, and it's reinforced by Spanish.
At the same time, however, I have begun to realize that not being able to speak Spanish fluently doesn't make me any less Hispanic. My culture isn't some abstract concept; it's my family, my traditions, what I eat, what I listen to, what I grew up hearing, and who raised me. I shouldn't have to prove myself or my belonging to this culture. Hispanic Heritage Month makes me think about what it means to be a part of a culture, which is why I find myself thinking more and more about how much I wish I could understand more of what my family says. I should learn Spanish; if only so I might feel closer to my family. I want to be able to understand what my family talks about when I can't understand them, and not just listen to what I am able to grasp.
The embarrassment I used to feel about being a "no sabo" is fading, being replaced by something else. I might not speak Spanish like the rest of my family, but for now, that will have to suffice. It's not like my Spanish is the only thing that makes me Hispanic; after all, I have a Coqui Tattooed on me, and I eat pastellios and drink coquito every Christmas. My grandma used to put money under my pillow to celebrate the Three Kings every January. I visit the island every year and have many family members who live there. I may not know the language, but I am proud to be Boricua.
